At last!

"Too often we are so preoccupied with the destination, we forget the journey." Author unknown.

I've thought about this time and time again, until the other day, one of my best friends says, "You should start a blog about what you're about to go through." That was the only confirmation I needed to share my story. I know that there are many similar ones out there but I want to be able to remember mine so that one day, I can share it with my children. In the meantime, maybe it will give someone else the strength to know that there are others out there experiencing the same thing.

I have to give a bit of background knowledge in order to talk about what is going on today. It is no secret that I've battled with weight all my life. I am currently at my highest weight and was probably at my lowest weight ten years ago. It all started when I began menstruating at the age of 13. I did not have normal, regular cycles like everyone else. The doctors all told me that there was nothing wrong and that it was ok for a girl not to menstruate every month. At that age, I knew my body and knew something was wrong. After some pleading with my mother, I was put on birth control pills to regulate it. She was not happy that I was 16 years old and on the pill but it was working for me. Throughout the years of being on it, I had a little voice telling me that I would not be able to have children. I remember telling my mother over and over again that it was going to be hard for me, but like all moms, she was positive and told me that everything would be ok. I trusted her and wanted to believe her but deep down inside, I knew something was not right.

In about 2006-2007, my menstrual cycle ceased altogether while being on birth control pills. I knew I could not be pregnant and went to my Ob/Gyn. That's when she told me about a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It is the most common female endocrine problem, affecting as many as 1 in 15 women. It's is a hormonal disorder that involves multiple organ systems within the body, and is believed to be fundamentally caused by insensitivity to the hormone insulin. What is unknown is why in PCOS that hormones get out of balance. I was told once again that I had nothing to worry about and that a pill (Metformin) would make it all better. I was not satisfied with this response and immediately rushed home to educate myself. Any support group I could join, I did. I learned that my weight gain, acne, thinning hair line, and irregular menstrual cycles were all thanks to PCOS. I was dumbfounded at first, but then I began to share my story with my friends because we often do not speak of such things. I felt it was important to reach out and let others know of this condition. I started to see an Endocrinologist every 6 months, who monitored me and my condition. It was a start and it made me happy.

"You need to lose weight!"

If I heard those words one more time from another doctor, I was going to scream. I would just nervously smile and say, "Ok." Deep down inside I was upset and depressed. I did not want to continue to gain weight nor liked the way I looked. There were times where I did not want to go out in fear of what people would say. I'll be the first to say that I did not give it 100% but it was not easy for me. I'm not a gym type of girl and the last thing I wanted to do was be on a treadmill.

"Glimmer of Hope"

In February of 2007, I became engaged. I decided to go off birth control because I did not want my body to go through it anymore and the Metformin/birth control combo stopped working. After speaking with my family doctor, Ob/Gyn, and endocrinologist, I had been told that it would be very hard for me to become pregnant because of my condition. I was in denial and even researched it for some glimmer of hope. No matter what I read though, it all stated the same: It was hard for women who had PCOS to get pregnant. Instead of beating a dead horse, I accepted those terms and focused on planning my wedding. I knew that when the time would come to discuss children, we would tackle that hurdle then. Well the time came a little sooner and in August of 2008, I was pregnant. I was in such denial, I took several tests. I could not believe that something I finally accepted and came to terms with, was turning out to be wrong! Even though I ended up miscarrying, this was my glimmer of hope. Most people would be angry and beat themselves up over it. I took it as a blessing in disguise and thanked God for the sign. In the meantime, the doctors all told me I must lose weight because it may increase the possibilities of keeping a child and lowering my blood pressure. I had another plan in mind.

"RMA"

The summer after getting married, I decided to look into RMA. I wanted to know if there was indeed anything wrong with me. I went through all the tests and was told that my reproductive organs were good and so was my husband's semen. I was ecstatic! That was all I wanted to know and hear in order to move forward with my life. We decided to wait before going forth with trying to become pregnant because we really wanted to move out of our small apartment. I knew that with hope and faith, anything was possible.

"I'm Fat and I'm All That!"

Those were words that were gleefully shouted in the Teacher's Lounge in January 0f 2010 by another coworker. I walked over to her and whispered, "I can't believe you just said the 'F' word!" She started to laugh and proceeded to tell me that she's happy with herself and that she's not ashamed of her body. Again, I was dumbfounded and yet amazed by this woman's strength and self confidence. That's when she told me about her wonderful experience at a seminar she attended at Mountainside Hospital. One of her family members had gotten Lapband and was successful. She decided to attend the seminar to see if it was meant to be for her and she fell in love with not only the surgeon but the people. Intrigued by her information, I decided to attend a seminar in February. What did I have to lose? Nothing. One of my best friends decided to come with me and asked all the essential questions I did not think of asking. She looked at me and said, "Sounds safe to me!" and that was all I needed to hear. I scheduled an appointment that evening with the doctor and could not drive home fast enough to tell my husband.

"6 Month Wait is Over"

My insurance required 6 months of nutrition classes along with a complete physical from various doctors. I did not think I would follow through and complete it all but I did. I had to maintain or lose weight within the 6 months and was able to do so. I met wonderful people at the group sessions, which motivated me to go every month. In the process of this, we also bought a house, which confirmed that there was nothing but good things to come.

The surgery is set for the 19th. I am currently doing my pre-surgical diet. I had my pre-admission appointment and pre-op appointment yesterday. The pre-op appointment was hilarious. As I stepped on the scale, it said that I gained 3 pounds. I'll admit that I was upset. My diet literally consists of 2 protein shakes, 2 light yogurts, applesauce, jello, pudding and raw veggies. Who gains 3 pounds off of that? And how does one gain 3 pounds off of a 1000 calorie diet? My surgeon and I laughed and I could not wait to share this story with my mom. She always said that I had the type of body that gains weight when I breathe. Boy was she right! The surgeon made light of this situation by stating he would make it all better on Monday. Gee, thanks, doc!

And so my journey begins. There is no stopping me now. I can not wait to see the results, stop taking medication, and finally feel better (physically, emotionally, mentally). I've had alot of people say to me that this is the "easy way out" and let me tell you, this is by far the most effort and energy I've put into anything. Although it may seem like that me opting for surgery is an easy fix, it's not going to be. I have to follow a strict diet which consists of 4 oz of liquid per hour. That's only Phase I; There are 4 Phases. I will be blogging from time to time to update you on my status and goals. So as you can see, the easy way out would have been me eating right and working out, which could allow me to cheat from time to time. With this route, there is no cheating or bending the rules. I'm happy to have made this decision so that my husband and I can start our family in the near future. I can not thank my family and friends enough for supporting me on this decision. I know it's scary and life changing, but everything's going to be alright :) In the meantime, I'll keep the rest of you posted.

xoxo