Day 11

I finally have a moment to myself and wanted to quickly blog my experience for this week. As I mentioned I'm eating pureed foods and am so happy! I can't believe how much control I have over what goes into my mouth and how much I put into my body. My tablespoon and Biggest Loser scale are my new friends. I'm also best friends with my magic bullet and mini processor. I don't know how I went through life without any of these devices!

What I find interesting is that my stomach truly does not desire certain foods anymore. My husband can tell you when I say that I was looking forward to eating peanut butter and humus. I had natural creamy peanut butter (no sugar added) on Monday and my stomach did nothing but turn all night! I retried it yesterday and the same thing happened. I guess no peanut butter for me! Then on Wednesday, I finally decided to have some humus for lunch. I took one little bite and threw the rest of it in the garbage. I want absolutely nothing to do with it. Go figure! I read in one of the patient books that a reaction like that may happen, and boy is it happening to me! I absolutely love beans and can't get enough of eggs. I bought two cookbooks that the doctor recommended. One is "Recipes for Life After Weight Loss Surgery" and the other is "Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery". Both books are fantastic and truly incorporate all the protein and nutrients one needs. I made the Deviled Egg Salad from there and am in love with it. Today I finally made myself Crystal Light lemonade and my taste buds have never been happier. The only thing I am getting tired of is drinking the 3 protein shakes a day. I'm finding that it's hard for me to get my 3 meals plus my protein shakes in. I'm either eating or drinking all day! I guess what makes it challenging is the fact that I can't drink 15 minutes prior to a meal or 45 minutes after a meal. By the time I'm ready for some water, it's time for a shake! Then again, if this is what I need to do to lose weight, I'm not complaining!

Overall I feel great. I'm still unable to lift things because I am still healing. I do get tired easily and still feel weak at times. I've found that by keeping myself busy with housework has kept me more alert. I've dropped more weight but won't say how much until it's "official" through the doctor's office. I'm looking forward to a productive weekend, with family and friends. In the meantime, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend as well. xoxo

Week 1-Over!

It is exactly a week since my operation. I went to the doctor's today and lost a whopping 13 pounds! It's quite ironic being that the last time I was there, over 2 weeks ago, I gained weight. I was definitely ecstatic to see that. My stitches are healing nicely and any aches or pains I experience are normal. I am now able to eat pureed foods for the next 2 weeks. I still have to drink my 3 protein shakes a day, in addition to my 3 meals a day. Now, folks please do not be mistaken when I say "meals". We are talking 4-6 tablespoons per meal AND it must take me a good 1/2 hour- 45 minutes to complete the meal. I'm not complaining, trust me! As soon as I got home, I made myself 3 tablespoons of scrambled eggs and 1 tablespoon of oatmeal. Tonight I'm going to enjoy pureed string beans that I made myself. It's all mind over matter at this point.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm hungry or what am I doing not to be hungry. I must make it clear that I'm rarely hungry. The dietician told me today that I must increase my fluids because I'm not taking enough in. When I do get "hungry" it's not the same type of hunger pains one experiences. It's more or less a slight feeling of emptiness. This weekend I experienced it and all I did was increase my liquid volume, which did the job. The protein shakes keep me satisfied and let me tell you, I had NO idea how much my body was lacking it! My nails never looked better and are actually growing! I just feel so good inside and out and do not regret this decision one bit.

I'm also experiencing my clothes fitting me big. Yesterday afternoon we went out to eat at Carmine's in NYC for my Nonno's 80th birthday. The dress I was looking forward to wearing actually fit big! I had to borrow one from my sister and am thankful she had something for me. That was very overwhelming for me and I did start to cry. I'm used to things not fitting (fitting too tight) and the fact that this is the first time in God knows how long that it's fitting big, it was very emotional for me. In addition, being at Carmine's did not bother me one bit. Of course everything smelled wonderful and my stomach did grumble here and there. But the waiter was excellent and brought me some broth and that hit the spot for me. I wanted this change and am therefore willing to do whatever it takes.

I'm able to drive again and must start walking. I am still weak so this is still a challenge for me but I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm excited that I made this life changing decision and know there's no turning back! Until next time....xoxo

Day 3

So it would be a complete and utter lie if I said everything is going great since I've been home. Last I wrote was prior to me going to bed on Tuesday, July 20th. I spent a good 4 hours dry heaving that evening into the early morning hours. I feel that because so much gas was trapped, my system had no other way to release it. I did feel better once it was over and developed some diarrhea. I know this sounds gross but after undergoing such a procedure, I didn't realize how valuable passing gas or burping would be to me!

On Wednesday, July 21st, I decided to take it a little bit easier. I was able to shower, in which I did. I only drank 1 oz of liquid per hour and made sure I drank my protein shakes throughout the day. I walked around as much as I could without overdoing it. I do still have back pain on the left side. I'm going to call the doctor's tomorrow to see if that pain is normal or not. I did break down and cry this evening, simply because of the pain and hopelessness I feel. My mom keeps saying I'm a champ but I'm not feeling it at all today.

"It's Normal"
I woke up today feeling decent. I still have the back pain but after speaking with the nurse, she said it's probably just gas pockets. She encouraged me to continue walking without overdoing it. I plan on doing just that. In addition, I made an error saying that the port was located on the left side. It's actually the stomach that's on the left side that's been hurting me and sore. Again, the nurse said it's normal, simply because a foreign object has been introduced to my body. I was able to hold all my liquids down yesterday and anticipate on doing the same today. I can't get over the fact that I am not hungry at all! It was actually comical last night as my mother and husband were eating grilled chicken on my deck while I sat there with my 1 oz cup of chicken broth. It took me longer to sip that cup than it did for them to eat an entire meal! They felt worst than I did. I did not mind it at all. I have no cravings and can't wait to get past all this discomfort to really enjoy myself. For now, I'll do whatever it takes to recover properly. xoxo

The "Weight" Is Over: Road To Recovery

The "Weight" Is Over: Road To Recovery: "I was an absolute mess on Sunday, July 18th. My poor husband had to deal with me cleaning like a mad lady and hanging things up on the wall..."

Road To Recovery

I was an absolute mess on Sunday, July 18th. My poor husband had to deal with me cleaning like a mad lady and hanging things up on the wall, as if it were my last day. I finally broke down in the afternoon and started to cry, simply because I was that scared and overwhelmed. Here I am talking about the procedure for 6 months and it's literally 24 hours away! I felt alot better once I released those feelings and was able to proceed with my day. I went to my Godmother's birthday BBQ and then slept over my parents house. I didn't really sleep much because my emotions overpowered me. But I knew that the next day would bring about the biggest change for me.

Greatest Gift of All
"Happy Birthday to me!" Six months ago, when I stepped into Dr. Strom's office and he asked what day I wanted to be operated on and didn't blink before saying July 19th, my birthday. I knew how significant this change was going to be and wanted it to really mean something to me. My mom and I left her house at about 6am. I was schedule for 8:45 but didn't go in until 9:15. At about 10:45, the procedure was over and he notified my mother that I was doing well. I didn't really have any complications except for coughing like crazy upon waking up. I did not vomit or feel nauseous. I actually felt like a million bucks! I stayed with another woman who had the same procedure, which was nice. We were able to share our aches and pains, which was comforting. My mother stayed beside me the entire time. I was not able to drink anything yesterday because they wanted to make sure that the band stays on the stomach. I had an IV which caused me and my partner in the room with me to urinate every hour! After a while, we were racing to see who would get in first!

Time to Go Home
At about 7:45 am, the doctor did an X-ray of the stomach. I had to drink the solution (which tasted gross) and was able to see the liquid enter the stomach without a problem. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. At this point, I was told that I could begin my liquid stage. Back in my room, Jello, broth, decaf tea and water was brought to me. I had a spoonful of Jello, 2 sips of broth and several sips of Tea. That was it. I was not hungry at all! Once my mother arrived to pick me up, I was discharged. Since being home, I've had 4 oz of my protein shake and a sugarfree iced pop. I'm able to drink unlimited water but everything else must be measured to 4 oz. The liquid needs to take me 1 hour to drink as well. The only reason I'm even interested in drinking anything is knowing I have to or may become dehydrated. I definitely don't want to do that nor want to get sick.

I truly feel great. My stomach does not hurt at all and the only discomfort I have is on my left side, where the port is. I probably have some gas trapped in that section as well. Otherwise, everything went great and I just feel great. I've been moving around and walking to try to alleviate some of this pain. I'm ecstatic that I went through with this and will definitely keep you posted.

Ultimately, I can not thank all my friends and family for all their prayers, thoughts and wishes. This is a birthday I will NEVER forget. Your kind words seriously got me through this and I can't thank you enough. Now I need to rest. xoxoxo

At last!

"Too often we are so preoccupied with the destination, we forget the journey." Author unknown.

I've thought about this time and time again, until the other day, one of my best friends says, "You should start a blog about what you're about to go through." That was the only confirmation I needed to share my story. I know that there are many similar ones out there but I want to be able to remember mine so that one day, I can share it with my children. In the meantime, maybe it will give someone else the strength to know that there are others out there experiencing the same thing.

I have to give a bit of background knowledge in order to talk about what is going on today. It is no secret that I've battled with weight all my life. I am currently at my highest weight and was probably at my lowest weight ten years ago. It all started when I began menstruating at the age of 13. I did not have normal, regular cycles like everyone else. The doctors all told me that there was nothing wrong and that it was ok for a girl not to menstruate every month. At that age, I knew my body and knew something was wrong. After some pleading with my mother, I was put on birth control pills to regulate it. She was not happy that I was 16 years old and on the pill but it was working for me. Throughout the years of being on it, I had a little voice telling me that I would not be able to have children. I remember telling my mother over and over again that it was going to be hard for me, but like all moms, she was positive and told me that everything would be ok. I trusted her and wanted to believe her but deep down inside, I knew something was not right.

In about 2006-2007, my menstrual cycle ceased altogether while being on birth control pills. I knew I could not be pregnant and went to my Ob/Gyn. That's when she told me about a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It is the most common female endocrine problem, affecting as many as 1 in 15 women. It's is a hormonal disorder that involves multiple organ systems within the body, and is believed to be fundamentally caused by insensitivity to the hormone insulin. What is unknown is why in PCOS that hormones get out of balance. I was told once again that I had nothing to worry about and that a pill (Metformin) would make it all better. I was not satisfied with this response and immediately rushed home to educate myself. Any support group I could join, I did. I learned that my weight gain, acne, thinning hair line, and irregular menstrual cycles were all thanks to PCOS. I was dumbfounded at first, but then I began to share my story with my friends because we often do not speak of such things. I felt it was important to reach out and let others know of this condition. I started to see an Endocrinologist every 6 months, who monitored me and my condition. It was a start and it made me happy.

"You need to lose weight!"

If I heard those words one more time from another doctor, I was going to scream. I would just nervously smile and say, "Ok." Deep down inside I was upset and depressed. I did not want to continue to gain weight nor liked the way I looked. There were times where I did not want to go out in fear of what people would say. I'll be the first to say that I did not give it 100% but it was not easy for me. I'm not a gym type of girl and the last thing I wanted to do was be on a treadmill.

"Glimmer of Hope"

In February of 2007, I became engaged. I decided to go off birth control because I did not want my body to go through it anymore and the Metformin/birth control combo stopped working. After speaking with my family doctor, Ob/Gyn, and endocrinologist, I had been told that it would be very hard for me to become pregnant because of my condition. I was in denial and even researched it for some glimmer of hope. No matter what I read though, it all stated the same: It was hard for women who had PCOS to get pregnant. Instead of beating a dead horse, I accepted those terms and focused on planning my wedding. I knew that when the time would come to discuss children, we would tackle that hurdle then. Well the time came a little sooner and in August of 2008, I was pregnant. I was in such denial, I took several tests. I could not believe that something I finally accepted and came to terms with, was turning out to be wrong! Even though I ended up miscarrying, this was my glimmer of hope. Most people would be angry and beat themselves up over it. I took it as a blessing in disguise and thanked God for the sign. In the meantime, the doctors all told me I must lose weight because it may increase the possibilities of keeping a child and lowering my blood pressure. I had another plan in mind.

"RMA"

The summer after getting married, I decided to look into RMA. I wanted to know if there was indeed anything wrong with me. I went through all the tests and was told that my reproductive organs were good and so was my husband's semen. I was ecstatic! That was all I wanted to know and hear in order to move forward with my life. We decided to wait before going forth with trying to become pregnant because we really wanted to move out of our small apartment. I knew that with hope and faith, anything was possible.

"I'm Fat and I'm All That!"

Those were words that were gleefully shouted in the Teacher's Lounge in January 0f 2010 by another coworker. I walked over to her and whispered, "I can't believe you just said the 'F' word!" She started to laugh and proceeded to tell me that she's happy with herself and that she's not ashamed of her body. Again, I was dumbfounded and yet amazed by this woman's strength and self confidence. That's when she told me about her wonderful experience at a seminar she attended at Mountainside Hospital. One of her family members had gotten Lapband and was successful. She decided to attend the seminar to see if it was meant to be for her and she fell in love with not only the surgeon but the people. Intrigued by her information, I decided to attend a seminar in February. What did I have to lose? Nothing. One of my best friends decided to come with me and asked all the essential questions I did not think of asking. She looked at me and said, "Sounds safe to me!" and that was all I needed to hear. I scheduled an appointment that evening with the doctor and could not drive home fast enough to tell my husband.

"6 Month Wait is Over"

My insurance required 6 months of nutrition classes along with a complete physical from various doctors. I did not think I would follow through and complete it all but I did. I had to maintain or lose weight within the 6 months and was able to do so. I met wonderful people at the group sessions, which motivated me to go every month. In the process of this, we also bought a house, which confirmed that there was nothing but good things to come.

The surgery is set for the 19th. I am currently doing my pre-surgical diet. I had my pre-admission appointment and pre-op appointment yesterday. The pre-op appointment was hilarious. As I stepped on the scale, it said that I gained 3 pounds. I'll admit that I was upset. My diet literally consists of 2 protein shakes, 2 light yogurts, applesauce, jello, pudding and raw veggies. Who gains 3 pounds off of that? And how does one gain 3 pounds off of a 1000 calorie diet? My surgeon and I laughed and I could not wait to share this story with my mom. She always said that I had the type of body that gains weight when I breathe. Boy was she right! The surgeon made light of this situation by stating he would make it all better on Monday. Gee, thanks, doc!

And so my journey begins. There is no stopping me now. I can not wait to see the results, stop taking medication, and finally feel better (physically, emotionally, mentally). I've had alot of people say to me that this is the "easy way out" and let me tell you, this is by far the most effort and energy I've put into anything. Although it may seem like that me opting for surgery is an easy fix, it's not going to be. I have to follow a strict diet which consists of 4 oz of liquid per hour. That's only Phase I; There are 4 Phases. I will be blogging from time to time to update you on my status and goals. So as you can see, the easy way out would have been me eating right and working out, which could allow me to cheat from time to time. With this route, there is no cheating or bending the rules. I'm happy to have made this decision so that my husband and I can start our family in the near future. I can not thank my family and friends enough for supporting me on this decision. I know it's scary and life changing, but everything's going to be alright :) In the meantime, I'll keep the rest of you posted.

xoxo