5 Months Later

I've had several people ask about my blog and finally decided to update it! Being snowed in and on winter break is a good enough reason for me to do it. Having this procedure has been interesting, challenging and frustrating for me.

There are many things that make this surgery so interesting. The first thing is the amount of food I am able to eat. My eyes want to eat one portion by my stomach allows for half or less. I sometimes forget I can't eat as much as I used to and even though I try, the food won't go down! It either gets stuck or I have to vomit (sorry to those with weak stomachs!). I immediately hiccup when I am full and know that it's time to stop at that point.

In addition, the energy levels are now up. I am able to accomplish more now than I ever have. One of my biggest complaints was how lethargic I always felt. If I feel that now, it's only because of lack of sleep as opposed to being unhealthy. Trust me, I still have a long way to go but it's amazing what 25-30 lbs off your body will do for you. I have also cut my blood pressure medication in half, which makes me ecstatic! I cannot wait until I'm completely off all my medications for good. That is a definite goal of mine.

As much as things are interesting, there are a few challenges as well. I've had 3 fills so far and it's not what I expected. To begin, a fill is when the doctor takes x amount of cc's of fluid and injects it into my port to "fill" the band around my stomach. This is supposed to tighten it, allowing less food to exit, thereby allow me to eat less. The 2nd fill was brutal in the beginning for me because I could not eat anything for a good 4 days without vomitting. Afterward, the food became easier to eat and I was eating anything! This wasn't good for me at all and I ended up gaining some weight! When I went for my last fill, the doctor gave me more cc's, hoping it would do the trick. So far it has. I'm able to eat food but have to make sure that it's not too dry. Otherwise the food is definitely getting stuck! I have to be conscience of how well I chew the food and of the time. I cannot eat too fast, otherwise I'm getting sick. With the holidays, taking 30-45 minutes to eat has posed a challenge. It's hard to sit down and eat a meal within that time when I was worried about Grad courses, chores, getting shopping done, etc. Even now being on break has been a challenge because I'm back to the mentality of "eating on the go." I need to slow down and mentally tell myself to take my time.

Remembering all of this is obviously frustrating. It's frustrating not being able to grab something on the go and eat in in my car. If I wake up late for work, I have to make breakfast and lunch. Otherwise, there is nothing I can do. In addition, there are times when it's frustrating not being able to eat and drink at the same time. I cannot drink any fluids 15 minutes prior to eating or 45 minutes after eating. This is especially difficult when I'm drinking wine. The little times I do drink, I want to be able to eat cheese and crackers with my wine but am unable to do so. I'm unsure exactly why I unable to but was told it's a huge no-no. My nutritionist constantly reminds me when I get my fills at the office as well. This is something I'm going to ask the next time I'm there. Obviously, I'm making healthy choices by not being able to grab fast food in the morning (or a muffin at DD) but the constant preparations becomes tiresome at times. What's also frustrating is not seeing the weight drop off as fast as it did the first 3 monhts. This is particularly upsetting to me because whenever I dieted in the past, the weight would drop the first 3 months but then become harder to lose. This is when I lose faith and determination and quit. I have used the holidays as an excuse to "cheat" and have realized how easily cookies go down. I've also realized how easily other sweets, such as chocolate, certain cakes, and icecream, also easily digest. Although the repurcussions are a sugar crash, stomach cramps and/or irritability, the rewards of being able to eat them are far greater! I know that I am entering my vicious cycle of binging with the wrong food, as a way to compensate for the lack of weight loss. I then become discouraged and disappointed in myself, and mentally beat myself up for it. Then the cycle repeats of looking at food for comfort and binging.

From this, I now realize that this whole process is mental. It's truly mind over matter. Luckily, I have recognized the pattern I have engaged in the past 3-4 weeks and decided to break it. I started to work out this week because I can no longer feel sorry for myself, when I am doing nothing about it. I'm also getting back to my healthy eating habits because filling up on empty calories isn't effective either. I say healthy eating habits because it is not a diet. Also, this surgery has proved that it is not a quick fix but instead a life-long change and I must constantly make conscience decisions as to what to eat. Effort is required and the solution to losing the weight is simply to eat right and excercise. Although I have the ability to get my band tightened even more, it would defeat the purpose. When I decided to get this surgery, I knew the amount of work it was going to take to achieve my goals. I'm going to continue to strive each step of the way and not give up. I've come too far to do that and need to be able to overcome the obstacles. With support, I know I can do this. Much love, peace and respect....xoxo

Already 3 months

It has been a while since I've last posted and wanted to quickly update my blog. It's going to be 3 months since my surgery and I've lost 30 pounds. I can not get over how great I feel and how different I am starting to look. I found a picture I took with my students in June during their graduation and I am perplexed as to how I actually looked. I guess I did not prepare myself mentally for this.

While I'm on the subject of being mentally prepared, one thing that I had a really hard time doing was giving my clothes away. I must have given my sister a good 3 full garbage bag of clothing! It was a bitter sweet experience and I definitely was not ready for it. Luckily she gave me some clothing and another friend of mine did as well. I just didn't want to go out and buy new clothing when I don't know how rapidly or slowly my weight loss is going to continue. All I know is that I'm gaining more and more energy and am having a harder time figuring out what to do with it.

One downfall I'm not afraid to admit is the fact that I have not worked out yet. I keep making up excuses (legitimate, of course!) and need to just get myself into a routine already. I know that it'll aid my weight loss journey. I need to sit down and configure a plan that'll allow me to complete my courses for grad school, do chores around the house, plan for school and exercise. It's a bit overwhelming to think about!

Otherwise things are honestly great. The two weight loss recipe books have been wonderful tools. I love being able to cook food that's high in protein and tastes yummy. I've really learned to retrain myself and my way of eating. Don't get my wrong, I do slip from time to time but it's nothing like how I used to be in the past. I just thank God for that! Until next time...peace, love and harmony xoxo

Day 22...and counting!

I must say I'm on my second week of pureed foods and it's getting a bit harder for me. Although I can eat anything I want as long as it's pureed, my stomach isn't content with everything. On top of that, I'm not able to drink the 64 oz of liquids plus the 3 meals plus the protein shakes. It's very challenging for me and I'm still trying to figure out how to schedule it properly. I'm also finding that I'm hungry at night and I think it's because I haven't been able to fit in my last shake prior to bedtime. This is something I'm going to have to bring up with the nutritionist this week.

Otherwise my energy levels are up! I'm able to drive around to do things, which has been a blessing. However I make sure not to overdo it. If I'm tired, I stop. I do continue to get pain in my incisions and can't bend down from my waist because it hurts in the area where my port is. I just have to continue to be cognizant of the fact that I'm not fully recovered and am still healing.

Numerous people have asked me to describe exactly what was done and it has been hard for me to properly explain it. If you are interested in understanding the technicality of this procedure, you can visit:http://www.obesitysurgery.ca/lapband/how-does-it-work.php. It's actually a clear, quick rundown of what is done. It even has small illustrations to show where the band and port are placed.

Emotionally, this has been a rough week. I am starting to crave sweets, which I know I can not have. On Saturday and Sunday, I became fully aware of how many places do not carry sugar free items. This is upsetting and discouraging. I can't fathom how in a world where Diabetes is continuing to rise, there are no sugar free items! I also want to grab a juicy burger and bite into it but know that I can not. It's a lot of work and I can not emphasize how much effort I'm putting into this. It's life changing and an eye opener for me. I have to sit here and make sure I cut all my medication into pea sizes. On top of this, I'm feeling useless because I am still unable to lift objects. I know I'm supposed to be relaxing and taking it easy but I also want to accomplish things. It's definitely teaching me to slow down but I'm beating myself up emotionally for it.

On the same note, I want to restate the fact that I did not have this surgery to look a certain way. I do not have a certain "weight goal" in mind or clothing size. I did this to make me feel better and to improve my health. I was blessed that the insurance did cover the entire procedure due to my medical history and family history of obesity. If it was that easy for me to lose the weight on my own, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I've tried every single diet out there and even though I lost some weight with each of them, I gained even more afterward. I know that this might have seemed like the easy way out, but it definitely wasn't. Anyone who has seen me eat recently, will vouch for me. I chose to do this as a final straw and it is the best thing I have done, besides getting married and buying a house. Not everyone is going to agree with what I did, which is fine, but I'm asking for people to respect my decision. I just want to feel healthy and feel like a "normal" woman and I'm hoping all these emotions are attributed to P.M.S.!

Until next time....Peace, Love and Harmony xoxo

Day 11

I finally have a moment to myself and wanted to quickly blog my experience for this week. As I mentioned I'm eating pureed foods and am so happy! I can't believe how much control I have over what goes into my mouth and how much I put into my body. My tablespoon and Biggest Loser scale are my new friends. I'm also best friends with my magic bullet and mini processor. I don't know how I went through life without any of these devices!

What I find interesting is that my stomach truly does not desire certain foods anymore. My husband can tell you when I say that I was looking forward to eating peanut butter and humus. I had natural creamy peanut butter (no sugar added) on Monday and my stomach did nothing but turn all night! I retried it yesterday and the same thing happened. I guess no peanut butter for me! Then on Wednesday, I finally decided to have some humus for lunch. I took one little bite and threw the rest of it in the garbage. I want absolutely nothing to do with it. Go figure! I read in one of the patient books that a reaction like that may happen, and boy is it happening to me! I absolutely love beans and can't get enough of eggs. I bought two cookbooks that the doctor recommended. One is "Recipes for Life After Weight Loss Surgery" and the other is "Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery". Both books are fantastic and truly incorporate all the protein and nutrients one needs. I made the Deviled Egg Salad from there and am in love with it. Today I finally made myself Crystal Light lemonade and my taste buds have never been happier. The only thing I am getting tired of is drinking the 3 protein shakes a day. I'm finding that it's hard for me to get my 3 meals plus my protein shakes in. I'm either eating or drinking all day! I guess what makes it challenging is the fact that I can't drink 15 minutes prior to a meal or 45 minutes after a meal. By the time I'm ready for some water, it's time for a shake! Then again, if this is what I need to do to lose weight, I'm not complaining!

Overall I feel great. I'm still unable to lift things because I am still healing. I do get tired easily and still feel weak at times. I've found that by keeping myself busy with housework has kept me more alert. I've dropped more weight but won't say how much until it's "official" through the doctor's office. I'm looking forward to a productive weekend, with family and friends. In the meantime, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend as well. xoxo

Week 1-Over!

It is exactly a week since my operation. I went to the doctor's today and lost a whopping 13 pounds! It's quite ironic being that the last time I was there, over 2 weeks ago, I gained weight. I was definitely ecstatic to see that. My stitches are healing nicely and any aches or pains I experience are normal. I am now able to eat pureed foods for the next 2 weeks. I still have to drink my 3 protein shakes a day, in addition to my 3 meals a day. Now, folks please do not be mistaken when I say "meals". We are talking 4-6 tablespoons per meal AND it must take me a good 1/2 hour- 45 minutes to complete the meal. I'm not complaining, trust me! As soon as I got home, I made myself 3 tablespoons of scrambled eggs and 1 tablespoon of oatmeal. Tonight I'm going to enjoy pureed string beans that I made myself. It's all mind over matter at this point.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm hungry or what am I doing not to be hungry. I must make it clear that I'm rarely hungry. The dietician told me today that I must increase my fluids because I'm not taking enough in. When I do get "hungry" it's not the same type of hunger pains one experiences. It's more or less a slight feeling of emptiness. This weekend I experienced it and all I did was increase my liquid volume, which did the job. The protein shakes keep me satisfied and let me tell you, I had NO idea how much my body was lacking it! My nails never looked better and are actually growing! I just feel so good inside and out and do not regret this decision one bit.

I'm also experiencing my clothes fitting me big. Yesterday afternoon we went out to eat at Carmine's in NYC for my Nonno's 80th birthday. The dress I was looking forward to wearing actually fit big! I had to borrow one from my sister and am thankful she had something for me. That was very overwhelming for me and I did start to cry. I'm used to things not fitting (fitting too tight) and the fact that this is the first time in God knows how long that it's fitting big, it was very emotional for me. In addition, being at Carmine's did not bother me one bit. Of course everything smelled wonderful and my stomach did grumble here and there. But the waiter was excellent and brought me some broth and that hit the spot for me. I wanted this change and am therefore willing to do whatever it takes.

I'm able to drive again and must start walking. I am still weak so this is still a challenge for me but I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm excited that I made this life changing decision and know there's no turning back! Until next time....xoxo

Day 3

So it would be a complete and utter lie if I said everything is going great since I've been home. Last I wrote was prior to me going to bed on Tuesday, July 20th. I spent a good 4 hours dry heaving that evening into the early morning hours. I feel that because so much gas was trapped, my system had no other way to release it. I did feel better once it was over and developed some diarrhea. I know this sounds gross but after undergoing such a procedure, I didn't realize how valuable passing gas or burping would be to me!

On Wednesday, July 21st, I decided to take it a little bit easier. I was able to shower, in which I did. I only drank 1 oz of liquid per hour and made sure I drank my protein shakes throughout the day. I walked around as much as I could without overdoing it. I do still have back pain on the left side. I'm going to call the doctor's tomorrow to see if that pain is normal or not. I did break down and cry this evening, simply because of the pain and hopelessness I feel. My mom keeps saying I'm a champ but I'm not feeling it at all today.

"It's Normal"
I woke up today feeling decent. I still have the back pain but after speaking with the nurse, she said it's probably just gas pockets. She encouraged me to continue walking without overdoing it. I plan on doing just that. In addition, I made an error saying that the port was located on the left side. It's actually the stomach that's on the left side that's been hurting me and sore. Again, the nurse said it's normal, simply because a foreign object has been introduced to my body. I was able to hold all my liquids down yesterday and anticipate on doing the same today. I can't get over the fact that I am not hungry at all! It was actually comical last night as my mother and husband were eating grilled chicken on my deck while I sat there with my 1 oz cup of chicken broth. It took me longer to sip that cup than it did for them to eat an entire meal! They felt worst than I did. I did not mind it at all. I have no cravings and can't wait to get past all this discomfort to really enjoy myself. For now, I'll do whatever it takes to recover properly. xoxo

The "Weight" Is Over: Road To Recovery

The "Weight" Is Over: Road To Recovery: "I was an absolute mess on Sunday, July 18th. My poor husband had to deal with me cleaning like a mad lady and hanging things up on the wall..."